What a little shit! Two childhood stories about finding loopholes and their limitations

I’d like to tell a story about how I was a nightmare-ish child.

I will do so by describing two very annoying scenarios that I put my parents through. I believe both of these stories exhibit an innate understanding of loopholes and stimuli and response and should have served as a great warning for the difficulty.

I attribute these characteristics to my ability to understand contractual legalese and the natural cause and effect of certain processes.

The first story takes place right before I went on my very first day of school. The first day of school is a very big event in a child’s life, but it is also huge in a parent’s life.

This is a very iconic and potentially difficult moment in a parent’s life. This is the first time they’re leaving their child and presenting their child to the world. This creates the opportunity for external feedback which could potentially be the cause for anxiety.

STORY ONE

Back to School clothes, is an entire genre of marketing dedicated to getting parents to send their children to school looking clean, crisp fresh, and refined. This of course is critical to the child’s understanding of certain standards, dignity and is where the child learns to dress and present themselves to society.

So before the first day of school, my mom went through unreasonable and painstaking labor to get me into my school clothing. She retells the story, stating that she’d created an amazing outfit, was getting very excited to take me to school.

Apparently, I did not want to go to school. So once she left me for a few seconds, I ventured into the kitchen, grabbed a huge bag of flour, and dumped it on top of my head. This was done to completely mess up the outfit, and keep me out of school.

Wow. How brutal. That should have been the critical warning signs required right there. Anyway, my mom would not have it and made sure I was showered and dressed and at school the very first day.

This was the beginning of a tumultuous relationship around learning and academics.

Me in an outfit my grandma made. I am quite sure this was not the outfit from the story. But it’s the one I visualize when thinking about it.

STORY TWO

The second story is kind of similar. When I was a baby/ toddler I use to always try to get out of my crib and then have to be put back to sleep. This was when it was time for bedtime or if my parents just put me in my crib for a while.

I didn’t like being put in the crib when I didn’t want to so I learned a terrible trick. I would put my finger in my throat and make myself throw up in my crib. Then my mom would remove me to clean up the bed, and I’d be not in the crib anymore. Mission completed. Wow, my poor parents. Back then and now.

Anyway, I feel that these two situations involve utilizing atypical strategies to achieve the desired result. This showed a very manipulative young nature that disturbs me when I reflect upon it. I do however attribute my natural propensity to understand contracts and loopholes that are written within legalize that can be exploited.

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Thank you for reading about my nightmarish childhood self. I have a lot more childhood stories that I really like and are less disturbing than this one!