New York City Subway Joke

I have a subway joke that I love doing so much. It has been so long since I’ve had the opportunity to execute this joke.

The joke his very circumstantial. It requires a jam packed subway. It has to be unpleasantly crowded. Lots of people standing, cramped standing room at that. This joke is best told during subway rides where every crevice of space counts. In these cases I love to barge in at the last second, just catching a train. I extend a hand out towards the closing doors, and they close on my arm, preventing them from closing. I look up, the conductor sees me, and the doors pop open, I enter the train; suddenly I’m headed to uptown in Manhattan. I step in with my gigantic backpack and begin to take it off to conserve space. Of course, initially this act takes up much more space and involves requiring others to move and monitor the precision of my flailing arms.

As I remove the backpack and hold it in front of me, sensing an abundance of watching annoying eyes, I ask, 'this train is going downtown, right?'

Instantly everyone looks mad. They’re thinking, 'This dumbass oblivious tourist just made us have to be in an incredibly crowded train with yet another human of New York and his huge backpack and his dumb ass rolled up yoga and its mat bag. I hope he fucking dies a slow death. Making the door pop back open, I’m late to work. Tourist ass fuck.' Then I say... nah, I’m just kidding." Instantly, a look of glee on everyone’s faces. Instantly, all love me. He’s the best passenger I’ve ever encountered. What a funny guy, he really brightened my day, made it, in fact, I wonder if he’d let me suck his dick.

Anyways, yeah, I love this joke and it’s been a while since I’ve done it due to the subways rarely being as crowded post Covid, and since a lot of my travel time is off peak and my work remote is largely remote, I can’t wait to do it again. If you enjoyed this joke, I have another one I’ll soon tell, not a subway, but a joke i tell consistently in a specific circumstance. That one I still get to deploy often. I did it to my dad the other day.