Hollywood Anderson!

I was riding the subway back home after an epic trip. I’d purchased tickets to Yeezus Tour. It was the most amazing concert I’d ever been to in my whole life.

I’d arrived ten hours early. So I was literally front row. Here only the dedicated lunatics were. I abstained from drinking liquids the whole day before because needing to go to the bathroom is an immense liability for what I was trying to do.

Nobody who made it to the front row came less than 10 hours early. I arrived ten hours early and was 5th in line. It was all one family and they were adorable, so it was cool. But ten hours early and fifth in line didn’t feel great. I’d traveled all the way to Atlantic City to do so. It was quite the journey. 

I was at this Kanye concert at the peak of my Kanye fanhood.  Every day for the last 6 months, every workout I did, I spent listening to Kanye interviews only. No music. And here I was headed on a solo mission to see Kanye. The transportation required taking subways and then a bus ride to Atlantic City.

It was truly worth it. The concert was next level spectacular. All the elements of artwork were at play. The stage was an architectural masterpiece. The costume design was on the level of a broadway play. Certainly, more emphasis and effort on a costume than gets put into the average live music performance. There was incredible choreography and outfitted dancers, donning what looked like some current Yeezus apparel. There were cool video projections of the live performance. The whole thing was stunning. It was a masterpiece of a performance. 

I was so close I was able to place my hand on the physical stage. When Kanye jumped, the stage rocked and bounced with him, yet stayed supportive. I know this because I felt the vibrations of the stage and watched it bounce.  I was under the influence and the show was visually stunning It was an incredible transformative concert. The concert was so immersive and amazing that despite my incredible unbeatable spot, I left it to go dance and run around.

I danced like crazy. I was running around the stadium pumping people up. Waving my arms I just had hit the game-winner at the buzzer, and I was screaming Kanye lyrics. I am not imagining this part. I don’t care if you don’t believe me. When I was, quite far from the stage (because I’d run around) Kanye made eye contact with me. And nodded his head. This happened. Yes, I wasn’t in the right state of mind. Yes, it also happened. 

After, running around like crazy. I came back to an area I had been in before.  I bumped into a guy who had just bent down and picked up something off the ground. I saw him inspect it then look at me. He squints his eyes. Is this you? He gestures at my driver’s license. Oh my god Yes! Thank you so much. I look down in horror at my pocket which was supposed to be tightly zippered with my driver’s license, my unlimited monthly subway card, and my debit card. The zipper is wide open. Nothing is in there. I look down. Oh! There’s my subway pass. I look down again. Oh, there’s my debit card. Phew, problem solved. I zip that back up into my pocket and my now justified immense paranoia about dropping my shit continues all night. 

All of a sudden, the lights came on and the night was over. I remember walking out and the giant hall we were in looking like a completely different world. We were back to reality.  I rode the bus back to NYC very late. I arrived at the subway, tired from the journey. I could never be impressed by anything ever again, so I thought. 

But then I heard Hollywood Anderson’s voice. We were at the Essex subway stop and he was singing his own original song. “My Best Friend”. I told him that I’d just been to Kanye’s concert and it was incredible. That was the best concert I’d ever been to. And that what he just performed, was awe-inspiring despite what I’d just seen. 

The beauty of his voice and acoustic guitar were powerful enough to deeply emotionally resonate, even after that unbelievable high budget well-executed masterpiece of a concert experience.  He told me that he was going to see the very same concert tomorrow at Nassau Coliseum. Little did I know, I would be going the next day too, with my little brother and parents. (The side story on that below!)

Hollywood and I made plans to shoot a video. I filmed him twice. Once in that original location where I met him. Singing his original song my best friend. The video went on to get 6 million views across two youtube channels. This makes me incredibly proud because later, Hollywood Anderson would wow Jennifer Lopez to tears, during his televised first American Idol appearance. Initially, the judges were taken aback by his passion and exuberance, but when he started to sing and play his song, they absolutely understood that this energy was that of a very gifted musician. I am so proud to say that my video with Hollywood Anderson got more views than this star-studded network supported moment. I’ll include the J-Lo video as well below.

Just an amazing dude with his guitar on the subway. Hollywood has blown up and started to really take off musically. Opportunities have been blossoming as has his following. He’s been posting politically engaging content and really coming into his own. It’s amazing to see. I met up with Hollywood two other times. Once was to film a concert at a venue in the Lower East Side. The other time I filmed him composing music in his home setting. Hollywood is incredible in terms of the opportunities he has created himself. He’s a very inspiring individual who you should give a listen to and don’t forget to follow! I really hope to do an Oral history on the amazing individual’s life one day. He is truly remarkable.

My mom is holding her phone backwards. She’s locked in focus wise though.

Side Story

On the way back home I texted my parents about how they had to go see the show the next day, as it would be playing. They ended up listening to me and taking me with them! This is a photo of my mom not knowing how to turn on her light when Kanye prompted the audience to all turn on their lights.

Her phone is backward. From the first note of the concert, my parents were like fuck, this is gonna suck musically. Yeezus is not a crowd-pleasing Kanye album. But they ended up thinking it was amazing, architecturally, costume wise, showmanship status, and Kanye’s mid-concert rants are so interesting. He stopped both concerts in the middle to rant for almost 20 minutes each time. It was phenomenal. 

A funny moment in the side story. 

On the way into the concert, my parents said “We must be the oldest people here.” to which I responded, Nah I don’t think so. Later when they got their ticket scanned. The older gentleman scanning their ticket goes, “you’re the oldest people I’ve seen her all night”. I think that makes them really cool. 

Don’t forget to follow Hollywood Anderson on Instagram, on Facebook, and everywhere else he may be!

Thanks for reading folks!

Benefits of Yoga/ Why I started

a really short post about the benefits I get from yoga.

I mainly do two forms of yoga.

One is called vinyasa which is a fun and creative style that is rooted in linking breath and movement.

The other is a brutally difficult 90 minute sequence designed to be done in 105 degree heat with 40 percent humidity. It’s name, as I now call it, is 26&2 or Original Hot yoga, I’ll get into this topic on a future blog post! 

These are two very different forms of yoga but I find that they compliment each other well. I get better at each when I do the other. Though I must say the same applies to yoga and weightlifting, so this fact doesn’t speak to the compatibility of the styles. 

There are many styles of yoga. I don’t have any credentials that make me comfortable enough to give you a deep history or even description of the styles. But I do feel comfortable demonstrating some of my knowledge and personal experiences. 

Sometimes we are desensitized to what we know, and therefore only think of experts as worthy of informing or teaching. When in fact, you could teach people a variety of things you know. As long as there is an integrity and validity to what you’re teaching , I see no harm.

So yes, there are many styles of yoga, they’re not all the same but share a lot in common. Breath is a huge / the main focus of the practice.  

The practice has many layers to it. For this reason it’s easy for a casual practitioner of periphery observer could reduce such practices to fitness.

All forms of movement contain the capacity for mental stimulation. Yoga , I. My estimation is particular effective for a number of reasons. 

When I began doing yoga it was for several reasons.

The main reason was comedy. I observed someone like Jim Carey and saw that he was incredibly athletic. It doesn’t necessarily jump out as the first thing you think about, but the degree to which he is flexible and able to use his body as physical instrument, got my mind thinking about my body as a comedic tool.

I had already been working out pretty vigorously and was strong. My reasons for doing this were comedy as well, but I realized that I lacked balance and flexibility. Flexibility is the thing I noticed about the stunning feats of physical comedy Carrey effortless performed. 

Back to the layers of yoga. When I started doing it consistently for a long while, the practice became less about the physical components , and more about the mental benefits. I then learned that there were deep philosophical lessons within each pose. There was a thinking process I was tapping into. These poses were far more than holding shapes, or working on flexibility or balance.

Physical things are often representations of mental manifestations. We carry, hold and lock onto a lot of trauma and pain in the body. This causes problems and releasing this tension and stress through stretching and movement is incredibly beneficial . 

Also, it is no coincidence that the physical strengths I lacked were balance and flexibility. Because I lack balance and flexibility in my real life. I do not think this is a coincidence in anyway!  

Internet reviews: I benefit all the time but am not contributing to the database.

Reviews are one thing I benefit heavily from but never contributed to. I feel badly about this from time to time. The extent to which I depend upon reviews is next level. I do not make major or even minor ourcahsss without consulting reviews

I don’t shop  at Amazon out of principle. In the last 10 years I’ve made two purchases . 

(Although I must say that with the acquisition. Of whole foods my contribution to Jeff Bezos economic  war had elevated substantially.)

. My friend made a point of saying I’m going to Amazon when he went to Whole Foods, this really instilled in me an obvious but effective lesson. It’s literally the same thing. On second thought, I’ve been shopping at Amazon for years now. Phrasing it another way is denial. But I do object uniquely to the decadent prime shipping convenience consumerist culture inevitably monopoly vibes that Amazon is creating. Lots of People think there is no point in opening up a business because of Amazon, nor supporting other businesses because of it

Despite this fact, I do use Amazon often. For reviews! Whenever I’m buying a product , I look at the Amazon ratings! Then I just buy the product elsewhere! If the product is a big purchase  the minimum rating I will accept is a 4.5/5 stars. In addition to this, I will read many of the one star reviews to do an assessment of that products quality control.

For instance, lots of one star reviews with similar compliments about a product arriving as a lemon, or breaking down quickly, will go a long way in building my caution towards the product. 

5 star reviews are great, but one star reviews will show you the worst case scenarios that have occurred.

I also then look at 4 star reviews in order to gain a sense of what people with love for the product bug some nuanced critique. 

Jackets and backpacks have made me reconceptualize the way I view online reviews .

First of all, backpacks jackets are a hugely important  purchase. They may seem average but they are substantial, infrastructural and life changing . A good bag will change your life. A good jacket too. 

The level of pickiness that occurs with people and their gear is next level. Truly sensational. The degree to which people are meticulous with these two purchases is often an insight into the world of design, functionality. It is also an insight into a world of entitlement and otherworldliness. The two are true, sometimes in the same instance. 

This is not to say that everyone who writes reviews, meticulous or average, is entitled or a design expert. But the reviews are certainly peppered with life perspectives I’d not seen anywhere else. 

I’m going to include a couple of review that I find soon, they will be notable reviews and I’d like to break down what I learned from each of them, as I do learn substantially from reading a well put together review . There is an artistry, a generosity and a meticulousness to some of these reviews that informs my future outlook and perspective.

While this may seem frivolous snd needless. 1) it is 2) I hate purchasing things , we do live in a world of certain biological material necessities and  a vast number of societally imposed necessities. Even minimalism and a desire to pick a different route requires an upsetting number of purchases. For this reason. I like to try to make the best value longest lasting purchases. This involves making sure the product has the longevity, quality control and history of positive outlook from its previous customer base.

For this reason, I’m an avid reader of reviews. 

To close, it feels very non reciprocal that I never write reviews. I do talk about products that have won my heart with salesman like tenacity. In person. This hasn’t worked its way online yet. Maybe it will. I sometimes feel guilt for never writing but always using reviews. Can’t do it all, maybe I’ll change that soon though!

Thanks for reading, gonna find some humorous  and game changing reviews once I aggregate. I think these would be very fun to perform. I’m down 

The first time I was very rude to my mom. Our first fight real fight.

She didn’t talk to me for three days. I had said, “What’re you stupid?”. I think I was in the 3rd grade, 9 years old.

Our art teacher had died. He was an amazing man. I’d only been at the school for a few months so I didn’t know him that well. But he was a true artist. Honest and raw, loved teaching art. A very authentic guy. I’m honestly not great at describing him. I only have a couple of memories but they’re powerful. He walked with a limp, he had a prosthetic wooden leg. Despite this, I remember his moving about the room with vigor and passion I’d not see in anyone else before.

He’d go around glancing at the art projects kids were working on. At the start of the class, He’d give a demonstration, a bit of theory, and then wanted us to make it our own. I remember he taught us how to make a road extending into the horizon. He taught us perspective and scale.

In this one particular lesson, he actually was teaching us to emulate certain images from magazines. I’d cut out a picture and then attempted to draw it.
Feeling good about myself and what I’d drawn, I went up to him, fishing for compliments … “this isn’t any good.” I’d set him up! All he had to say was, sure it is. This is great! Wow!

Without missing a beat he goes, “that’s because you’re not blending any colors”, he then took me over to the station where all the colored pencils were and began showing me how to blend colors to create more nuance and choice.

Anyways, Mr ceiling was absent from school for a long time. Then it was announced he died. A wave hit through the school. Parents, teachers, students alike were devastated. Someone magical was gone, it wasn’t ordinary, I’d not experienced a lot of death in my life at that point, but even then I could tell this one was different.

A couple of days later, my family was in our living room, we were folding laundry while watching tv. And my mom said, “Mr. Seely’s death was so sad”. Which was mostly true. But that wasn’t his name. His name was Mr. Ceiling.

Mom his name is Mr. Ceiling. “No, it’s not it’s Mr. Seely.” At first, I thought she was kidding.

“It’s definitely Mr. Ceiling. “ I responded.

No, it’s Mr. Seely. She repeated. “

At this point, I responded, “what’re you stupid.” Instantly I regretted it. I was sent up to my room promptly, which was no huge change. But I did feel really bad and this was different. My mom didn’t talk to me for three days. Driving me to school, picking me up from daycare in silence. Three days later we were shopping at the mall and she broke her silence suddenly.

She said she’d talk to me but I could say that ever again. Or be rude.

I’ve definitely been rude and obnoxious and no steroid since. I’m never proud of these moments and work hard on myself to eliminate difficulties I have maintaining composure during moments of stress.

While I can’t excuse my behavior back then or more recently, I would like to examine aspects of it.

In my young judgment, I thought it was ridiculous for my mom to present herself as an authority about someone she’d met once at a parent-teacher conference.

I’d been in his class daily for four months. Compared to her one encounter. I mean.. was she stupid!? Not only did she not know his name. She initially wouldn’t entertain her being wrong.

I remember on day 2 of the silent treatment, my pointing out a whiteboard with his name written on the whiteboard in the schools main lobby. “A memorial for Mr. Ceiling. “

See! I pointed out victoriously. I could tell it was impactful evidence but she exclaimed.. It doesn’t matter!

and it didn’t. She was wrong. Af. But my rudeness had no place. Sure she should have budged her stance when told by her child she had his teacher's name wrong.

but hey, kids get confused, get things wrong. It wasn’t THAT unreasonable. I did feel there were stubbornness and underestimation at play. These ARE the two things that still trigger me the most to this day.

I think this is a very valuable insight.

I don’t know why there are so many deep-seated memories that come to the surface when I write this blog. But when I do, I realize that there’s a lot of information in distant memories and the way we process them through today’s lens.

lessons from this moment.

1) Never be rude! Even if you’re right, ESPECIALLY if you’re right. My correctness was overshadowed by the hurt I caused.

2) you don’t have to be right in the room. Be comfortable being wrong in the room, but right historically.
better yet, just be comfortable being wrong. This will serve you very well

3) While you should always respect your parents and elders, don’t allow your perspective to be diminished. Learn to communicate things in a patient way.

Obviously, these weren’t at my disposal at that young age. Shit, I’m not sure they are now!

But it’s worth examining your past to try and come up with evolving strategies to correct some of your persistent issues. There’s a lot of data that’s still relevant from our past behaviors. These can be used to inform our current decisions and struggles. They can also help identify consistent character traits that require addressing or boundary setting.

Sorry for being rude mama, I love you! I’m the stupid one youse a genius duh.

PS I’m kinda smaht I know don’t worry. kinda. (Also an idiot 😉)

ps. Funny thing. I had to DM a middle school friend to confirm whether his name was Mr. Ceiling or Mr. Seely, that felt like great irony.

———————————————————

thanks for reading y’all. Be good to loved ones and yourselves

Saving a 92 year old woman’s life. And feeling used by an ex-girlfriend(’s family)

This is a story I may have touched upon before in a blog post. I cannot remember, either way, I’ve told the story way fewer times than it deserves.

This is the story of the time I saved the life of a 92-year-old lady. She was the great-aunt of my then-girlfriend.  I’d never met her before. The location of this event was Princeton, New Jersey, in a beautiful house. It had interesting windows that overlooked the water, amazing furniture, and just seemed architecturally brilliant and furnished only with priceless antiques. Museum piece status. Not some junk you’d find in a plebians thrift store. Really aristocratic-looking shit. The occasion was that I was to film a recorded oral history of her grandpa and great aunt. ,

You see my mother and  I do these absolutely extraordinary oral histories. She is a tenacious scholar and studies the field deeply and the degree to which she’s well-read and intellectually curious makes her a monster at this. So. we put together some amazing oral histories and turn them into beautiful narrative-style books. They are well designed and writing-wise; impeccably crafted. This caught the attention of my white girlfriend’s family.

I say this part because it’s very relevant. These people weren’t just white they were white wasp caricatures. Wasps are White  Anglo Saxon Protestants for those of you who do not know. If you’re offended by this. Lol. 

Initially, her mom inquired about the process of having my mom and I do it as a proper and published project. But when she realized the scope time, investment (MONEY! )it would entail to do it properly… she switched her mission to just having my girlfriend ask some questions and having me film it.

They were a really nice family but super aloof in a distant way. They were very stoic to the point of seeming emotionally stunted and or very cold. But there was definitely a friendliness to them. They were nice people, pretty fun too, active. But coming from such an Arab/ middle eastern background, the lack of warmth and overly stoic nature of their emotional spectrum could be at times bewildering or jarring.

So on this day, I was there to help document the oral history of the great aunt, as well as my girlfriend’s grandfather, who was awesome. Anyways, we started out by having lunch. I wish we hadn’t.  The view, house, and food were beautiful and delicious. Yes, The view and house were delicious as well. 

Partially into the meal, the 92-year-old started to choke in absolute slow motion.

She simply began choking, and there was a huge time period where everyone started to look around at the cast of characters.

I look to my girlfriend’s grandpa. Nah probably not best for an 80 something to jump into action. Then I look over at my way less strong than me  . girlfriend and realize in horror. I am going to be the reason this lady dies.

The degree of utter calm and silence that went on during this moment was amazing. There was not one sound. I believe the grandpa calmly said, “Oh I think she’s choking.” The woman herself sat there with remarkable poise.  She didn’t move. She just put her fork down gently on her plate. I’m probably making this part up, but I remember her putting the silverware down, neatly, quietly, and precisely.

So there I am, I reluctantly leap to my feet, pretending like I hadn’t been waiting for this to be done by someone else. I then tap into two things. 1) The poster in my health class during 8th grade that described how to do the Heimlich maneuver and 2) Mrs. Doubtfire

. I remember that you’re supposed to push in and up. I was so scared to break this lady. I was also scared to be so fragile with her that I’d let her die. So in the end, it took about 3-4 pumps, and shockingly, the piece of food flew out of her mouth.

It honestly looked exactly like the moment in Mrs. Doubtfire. Disgustingly, after this happened, everyone just sat down and started eating again. Almost no emotional uptick occurred. There were some modest expressions of gratitude. In Egypt, I’d have been blown. Right then and there. Nah just kidding blowjobs are illegal in Egypt. No just kidding they're not if they’re between straight people.

LIterally, everything should have been canceled. Watching her eat was torture after that. Chew your food, I thought, completely unaware of anything else going on. Also, after seeing a partially digested segment of your meal hurl across the table, the appetite can suffer. Anyways, we finished this meal and it was on the interviews. They went well.

A short time after that, due to reasons I attribute 98% to myself, I was promptly dumped. This was a lady who I’d lived with for 5 years, virtually since the day we met. She dumped me, and I deserved it. There were a few weeks where I felt this was unjust, and it was tremendously sad by all accounts, but unjust it was not! I deserved it, and she deserved better. She dodged a bullet and I didn’t know at the time but so did I.

I missed her every single day I cried for 109 days in a row. I took photos and videos almost every single time. One day my phone rang and I heard from her. It was a call she made expressing to me some stuff

. It was our first talk in a long time. I’d not been on her social media page or anything at all. Extreme discipline. I still haven’t. I check it out for some weeks after the fact, but it’s been more than 5.5 years since I clicked on any of that stuff. I could tell from her voice instantly that there was a serious romantic person in her life. We spoke for a little and then she said… hey… do you think you could send me that Oral history we did of Papou?

And like a stupid idiot, I said. Of course right away!

She started crying, and when I asked why she said: “You’re being so nice to me”. Of course, I was, and would again, every time. I still love this lady with such relentless vigor. I do not want to be with her anymore. She is married. I don’t desire her like that. Though she’s hot af to me still and I’d still try and seduce, as I told her. But truly, I don’t care like that anymore. She’s so meaningful to me because she, more than anyone else, helped me be comfortable in my own skin. I believe this to be my superpower, but it needs to be honed to the appropriate degree.

It soon became clear that the originator of the idea for this call was her mother. She wanted to grab that oral history footage I had before her daughter and new boyfriend got so serious I’d not want to send it.

Firstly, I’d never withhold such a thing, out of my generosity of spirit, grace, and sheer naivety. But today, I would be lying if I said, that it didn’t piss me off to no end that this super-wealthy white woman was knowingly calculating such a painful call without.

Business douche me thinks I should have charged 5000 dollars for the raw footage. What’re you gonna do? Film it again? Let him die?
The generosity of spirit aspect of me. Thinks for sure I did the right thing. I know I did. But maybe it’s dumb to have not

On a similar note, in order to work on my portfolio, I took wedding photos of a particularly spoiled and decadent cousin of hers. One who “shuddered at the idea” that her wedding guests would be informed that her mother paid to have the carbon of her destination wedding offset through the planting of trees. This was an expense she added on generously in addition to fronting the cost for the whole wedding. Which took place on a LITERAL plantation. DISGUSTING. As I said, I dodged a bullet. Not sour grapes status,i was crushed, for 4 years afterward, easily. But in retrospect, from where I am now. Phew. So decadent destination wedding at Henry Ford’s plantation, flaunt and publicize. Paying to offset carbon emissions, hide and recoil. Presumably, because the climate-denying wealthy republican douches invited to this wedding, don’t want to be reminded of the damage they’re in denial about. I’m not even saying don’t fly here. Just don’t be negative towards positive steps.

(PS the effectiveness of the carbon emissions neutralizing move she did, is definitely just like feel-good stuff to a huge extent and doesn’t fully mitigate no matter what, but the principle here stands)

This aunt who offset the carbon emissions was the most interesting member of the family, and she was treated like shit by everyone. Particularly by her own immediate family as well. She was the dominant breadwinner. This wasn’t a coincidence. The husband and son alpha male insecurity was strong with this one. She was intimidatingly smart to members of her family as well.

Why do I pettily mention this wedding now? I’ll tell you why! Because during the wedding, the bride, in the midst of her “big night” post-ceremony celebration. Saw me taking really nice pictures and casually put a dagger in my heart by saying “I’m not signing any release forms for those pictures.” Wow., unreal. The honeymoon phase of marriage I’d heard so much really felt as magical as I’d heard in person.

I found this to be tremendously inelegant. It meant so much to me to get good wedding photos for my photography portfolio. The family knew the general nature of my aspirations in this direction as well. It was just brutal, callous, needless, and oh so waspy. First of all, what an inflated sense of self, that anyone would care about the copyright of these photos. What’re you gonna do? Send me a cease and desist about a thumbnail photo on a low-budget website trying to garner videography clients. Lol.!

As a Matter of fact… I’m fucking posting it. Sue me. I want to read the letter from the lawyer.

To humanize things, yet cast them as ugly as they are, maybe it had to do with the brutally superficial way through which she was judged. Perhaps not having control over her image and how it was released would render her “ugly” in photos. So giving me that would symbolize her image being out of her control.

Entirely plausible. She had partaken in tremendously unhealthy crash “fad diets” prior to the wedding. I have extreme sympathy for these kinds of behaviors that are disproportionately imposed upon women by society.

But I will remark that these values are reiterated by the family. They are subtly peppered throughout the structure of this family and how it operates.

So yes, I’m here to point out the contrast between this behavior and mine.

I am the villain of this particular relationship. While I am so so proud of aspects of my love and life with this ex. I am not proud of how I was as a whole. At all. It was my fault the way things ended. For sure. But I will say. I am happy with the way I have conducted myself during these matters.

Villian is way too oversimplified a word in general let alone in this context, but if SOMEONE were to be the villain, it was me.

THE CONTRAST

Scenario 1

I gave the ex-girlfriend footage that I wasn’t paid for, of her great Aunt and grandpa’s oral histories, that I filmed for free. After saving the great-aunt’s life. Got dumped. Still shared. Wouldn’t have dreamed of using it as leverage or a negotiation tactic.

VS.

Scenario 2

During our relationship. at the “peak moment of joy “ in her cousin’s life. Being nastily told, with no strategic tact to soften the blow,

I can’t post pictures I was mostly taking out of the generosity of spirit and a desire to show talent and enthusiasm to their family. (her cousin the bride said this not her) . Meanwhile, every fucking joe shmo at the wedding was encouraged to use their trendy punny hashtag on as many images as possible. Algorithmic relevancy people

In the end:

I shared all the photos and videos with the recently married couple despite the disgusting comment. . Because I seek to be a class act. It’s a work in progress. Step one don’t call yourself that. Got it.

Hey if any of you are reading this. You can still Venmo me ya cheap rich fucks, lol.

ps my ex- girlfriend’s father, despite his old-fashioned ways, and even prejudiced viewpoints was an absolute mensch. Who challenged himself and was very emotionally generous. He even offered to buy me a video camera while we were dating. An offer I refused because I was concerned he had underestimated the price of the camera I hoped to purchase. He was different because he was a corporate workhorse who spent an ungodly amount of time working for his family. I always got the sense there was some deeply instilled class tension driving his tenacity, given his wife’s wealth. I really love this guy. He challenged himself in remarkable ways that made him seem aggressive, but he was cutting away at myths and unlearning damaging components.

In addition, I really like lots of other members of her family. There are wonderful people everywhere.

I will definitely write about this wonderful lady (my ex-girlfriend) through an exclusively adoring light come very soon. I have nothing but love for all my exes. Not seeing wrongs or injustices, doesn’t mean having anything other than love. I love and respect myself and if I didn’t, my love for others would be meaningless. It is through this complex, non-rose-colored glasses retrospect, that I love.

I didn’t know that this post would be like this. I don’t mean to sound petty, though I probably do at points. I have no anger and called this girlfriend to congratulate her on her marriage this summer. It was an iconic and important call for me, I am truly happy for her and want nothing but love and success in her life! She’s great and I wouldn’t be half the man I am today with her influence. Aside from my mother, there is only one person I attribute more to who I am than her. Since I’m quite proud of who I am, I can never regret that! I only regret things I did to make her life less pleasant than ideal, but I have no regrets. Only lessons learned.
————————————————————-

Thank you for reading, and again, if I seem like a petty bitch 1) I prob am 2) Please read my Valentine’s day Love poem to all my exes!!!! Dropping this Valentine’s day. The section on this lady will be the longest and most plentiful! I really appreciate your support and readership, he types to nobody like a lunatic.

TV, RACISM and 30 ROCK

TV is a very important topic to me! I haven’t done enough posts about television. It’s a bit overwhelming because I feel as though I need to communicate something huge  whenever writing. However, I’m going to take the moment to just write about tv .

Ranking television is something that inevitably happens, even if you’re not competitive or prone to thinking in such terms, the saturation of media has certainly led to a supply snd demand problem. Our attention is finite! So the best shows are the ones we choose to see. Or the ones  that resonate uniquely with us.

I usually only watch comedy television. I have a few shows I can’t wait to discuss in depth . Some of my favorite shows are also deeply problematic shows. 30 rock is one of the most racist shows I’ve ever seen! At the same time it satirizes racism better than most anything I’ve seen as well. 

This is a complex topic and I’d like to engage it once. Racism in media is a hugely important topic to me because I think it’s instrumental in dictating attitudes and the power to portray certain groups or people in specific ways, cannot be overstated. Racism exists in so many pieces of popular culture. My mom always used to say “if we were to dismiss art because of misogyny we’d have almost no art.” While I agree with their being value to overlooking certain things, the degree to which racism is interwoven inextricably with American media is powerful. This definitely colors my relationship with so many shows. Shows that I admire for comedic reasons even. 

Shows that Have actually inspired me  to create  and had a distinct impact on my taste, have also deeply offended me for being racist. 

This feels like the closest thing I’ll be able to understand in terms of what my mom was talking about. There are so many shows  I’ve had to ignore racist jokes, comments and depictions to enjoy. 

These shows still provided something of value, but there was something wounding that often seemed intentional in its demonstration of a hierarchy. I as the viewer, was always reminded of my otherness, lower hierachachal standing  and non inclusion. 

Anyways, I’m just realizing this now but I often do not write about many aspects of American culture I enjoy because of their racist overtones. I should definitely write about them and communicate them, but I should shed light on these issues. 

Anyways, I look forward to discussing more media and television.

30 rock is an exceptionally funny show. It’s very tightly written, has through the roof

Rewatch value is very strong as it’s tightly written, fast paced and packs an wide variety of joke types.

It takes some getting used to the over the top acting style. There are many absurdist concepts and caricature like aspects to this show. This plays well into the often minstrel show nature  of 30 rock. Anyways, I’ll definitely write about this again sometime, as well as some words about tv, mostly all comedy with some drama .

Rejected Marriage Proposals are an example of two people having an extreme opposite Polar stance

Youtube holes are crazy. They can take you down a topic you peripherally or tangentially were exploring and send you down a rabbit hole of becoming a video researcher. These Youtube binges often lead to strange places, watching footage on topics you’d not thought about ever.

However, there is one thing I love about youtube’s potential. The internet in general. Sometimes you think of a topic, a site, an occurrence, an item ad you fabricate a scenario in your head. Type that into Youtube and you can definitely be watching the thing you have just invented in your head. It exists, and it’s on the internet.

This can take place to a frustrating degree. If you are a creative person who likes to make things, you may find that ideas you had that are original, unique, and brilliant are already on the internet in a more creative, more comprehensive, and fully executed form. This can be quite devastating it can also often save you a lot of work.

One topic I set out to find on purpose was watching failed marriage proposals. I thought I’d watch a good one or two, but I stumbled upon a shocking number of them available. There were multiple 40-minute compilations of failed proposals. I really enjoy human drama, real-life drama. There are many brilliant Directors who with a good budget and trained actors can translate a well-written script into a stunning emotional journey. This journey can be poetic, symbolic, artistic, beautiful, and full of slices of life that feel fantastically well earned, almost magical. However throw any three humans in a store while it’s getting robbed, and what you will witness in terms of action and behavior will be mesmerizing. We are a tv-binging HD society obsessed with celebrity culture. Yet we would all strain our eyes to witness the action going on in a surveillance video.

This is because human beings and the way they behave are fascinating and we are fascinated by them. Out of narcissism maybe, but we are interesting creatures to observe, People watching is amazing.

So anyway, I feel there is an inordinate amount to be learned from watching things on youtube. In regards to human behaviors. Given that I fully intend on never having a marriage proposal rejected, I wanted to familiarize myself with some of the telltale warning signs. I’m proud to say that most of the mistakes made, I would not make.

First of all, asking someone to marry you should be a formality. It should have been discussed many times before, inferred, insinuated, etc. There should be no huge question mark in your mind. If there is, You’re doing it wrong. If you are on the fence, you should not continue to do the mistakes these other men commonly make.

Duration of time. A lot of the proposals start out by announcing how amazing the time spent with their partner has been. Sometimes this time period is laughably little. “The last three months have been the most amazing of my life.” This is not a good move. They say that 9 months into a relationship is the “puppy love phase” or “honeymoon phase” This refers to the time period where the relationship is still new and the brain chemicals at play are still enticed and enamored with the relationship’s newness. For this reason, the time period after 9 months is a crucial one, for seeing the extent to which compatibility and dynamics are at play, as opposed to a relationship’s novelty.

For some reason, the men asking women to propose after an audaciously short period of time, are usually dating someone way out of their league. This could explain the fact that they’re trying to propose so early, as they may see it as their only chance to lock down someone they view as substantially outside their reach.

Spectators are a huge mistake that a lot of men make. “I’m proposing in 5 minutes guys,” an excited guy says gathering a crowd to fully witness the most humiliating moment of his life. The crowd usually looks vaguely enthused, welcoming this postponement of their trip to Yankee Candle by 10 minutes, to get priceless footage. I always watch this part in awe, thinking that the guy is actively building the degree of his humiliation.

One thing I cannot believe is when the women try to stop the man from proposing, but they continue through. One man was generously lifted from his knee by his girlfriend to spare him the embarrassment. “Don’t do this” she says to him subtly in front of the crowd of maybe 50 people. “ I have to” he states and bulldozes through. At this point, the woman then grabs the ukelele that one of the hired band members is playing for her (yeah), and smacks the guy on the head with it. She was so embarrassed and tried to spare them both. The embarrassment and cringe manifested this way. The man lay on the floor motionless for a little bit in full view of the crowd he had enthusiastically built just moments earlier.

The moment where the crowd senses it’s going to be a failed marriage proposal is very interesting, the tide slowly turns and you can see a range of emotions. Amazement, schadenfreude, empathy, support. it’s all there. It’s an interesting thing to witness.

As a palette cleanser to this brutal compilation, I watched some failed marriage proposals. These were not rejections but ones were very unfortunate things happened. For instance, this one fellow proposed to his thrilled wife on a lovely bridge in nature. He immediately proceeds to drop the diamond ring into the flowing river. It’s instantly gone as the newly engaged couple watch in disbelief as the expensive symbol of their love is taken down the river. I definitely ended up looking up diamond ring insurance policies out of sheer morbid curiosity, and to find a mental solution for this couple that would allow me to sleep easy. After all, this video filmed 6 years ago was super stressful to me.

This brings me to my last thought. Diamonds are ridiculous. Symbols of love, perhaps. But they are so wasteful and not really rare. I’m going to drop a video below of an iconic and successful proposal that not only didn’t involve diamond rings with sketchy exploitative sourcing but a completely biodegradable version.

Oh, the Simpsons!.

So wedding rejections are interesting because one person is saying “I love you, I want to spend the rest of my life with you, you’re perfect, you are fairytale-like in the way you make me feel.” The recipient of this proposal is thinking “I never want to see this guy again, I need to start running to end this iconically nightmarish moment” Wow. Beautiful.

Below is a long compilation of rejected proposals with the one I described above being at 12:12. Amazingly I left out a hilarious mall train cameo from my description.

Thank you all for reading your viewership and support mean a lot to me thanks again! Like share leave comments as this is meaningful to me and it would mean a lot!

Recreating Recipes from Ingredient Labels and Menus

One thing I have gotten good at doing is recreating recipes based upon reading ingredients lists of products I like. This could apply to a store-bought sauce or dressing I opt-out of buying or an amazing-sounding entree at a restaurant that is expensive and will send me into a spiral of binge-purchasing entrees I can’t afford but can recreate. Of course, you are buying time when you order takeout. Ingredients aren’t cheap either, often the convenience of all the ingredients being owned by the restaurant makes it more cost-effective INITIALLY, to just buy the entree or item you’re trying to emulate. However, when you increase the number of foods, you’ll be able to save substantial money, as with an entree you’ll only be purchasing one serving’s worth. Often time you’ll still be hungry at the end.

A relish I can recreate without any of the preservatives (shelf life is not a factor) or any of the chemicals used for coloring.

Dishes take time, ingredient purchasing takes time, chopping takes time, cooking does. Everything has a trade-off what I particularly like is being able to control the quality and freshness of my ingredients. I’m also able to adhere to all sorts of dietary restrictions or desires.


This means if I don’t like a specific ingredient, say red 5, yellow 40, canola oil, etc. I can simply
Omit it. These ingredients are rarely what gives the item that special taste that I like.

This past summer I prepared a lot more food than I ever had, omitting a larger list of ingredients than I’d ever kept out of recipes before. Olive oil was a big one. Not only is it not ideal for our health.
Renowned environmentalist George Monbiot discusses the carbon-intensive process that goes into creating olive oil.

If this seems ridiculous, and that omitting even healthy olive oil is now a step,
I’d like to bring your attention to this video which demonstrates the unnatural concentration of the oil that we consume with little thought. Personally, I’d never seen this video before, nor had I put any substantial thought into the way oil was produced.

I definitely consume olive oil, it just does the world less harm and my body more good when I receive this oil from eating olives. Straight from the source.

So now I can be found in stores taking pictures of ingredients lists. I try to recreate things in an entirely plant-based way that may utilize animal products. I also have the opportunity to switch sweeteners to dates, which is a fruit sugar as opposed to a processed refined sugar.

Anyways, as I’ve evolved into making more foods myself, the amount of things I buy has decreased substantially! I now create many of the dishes I see in restaurants or grocery stores myself.

Thanks for reading, really appreciate your readership.!

An incredible consumer tip that got me the best payoff of any tip I’ve ever used ever.

This is a consumer tip that I think is absolutely crucial. It applies to larger than average  purchases , but you would benefit to do so with any transaction that feels like an economic stretch. (Mostly applies to electronics but there can be a range of what it applies to!

Every time I buy a computer, phone, piece of hardware, I immediately  call and report any problems that happen within the first two weeks to thirty days this applies solely to smaller problems that IN NO WAY make your regret the purchase. For a computer or phone this could be a glitch, a  minor inconsistent issue etc. 

I do lean towards hyper reporting.  (In the early , opening days, and within the manufacturer warranty time, and store return policy time) 

For larger issues 

If there are serious issues with your new hardware, I strongly suggest returning it in exchanging for a new unit. Several times I’ve bought computers specifically to handle the video editing I do for work, only to return them when malfunctions kept occurring. When you pay top dollar to a soulless and exploitive corporation, there is no reason to get everything you  can when you are within your contractual right. For the second that expires, mercy will rarely be shown, and charges will accrue to fix issues. (I may write out something in the future for how to ensure smooth exchanges of larger scale items.)

The customer service representatives will be more than thrilled to create a case number for you. This will be a pleasant and non argumentative encounter because I case number means “putting it on the back-burner” , but what you are doing is creating a written record for malfunctions  and problems the item caused in its early days. This can come in handy later when you are making a case for having received a lemon, or a poorly functioning unit .

In the meantime , the customer representative  will happily  create a case number. You should mark it down, but most likely it will be filed under your email,  telephone number,  and or order number of the product.

Whenever a similar or different issue occurs , take the time to report it, and say “I’d like to have this added to my open case .”

Why do this? I once had a problematic computer that was simultaneously problematic but an incredible machine. 3 years in , I had a lot of malfunctions that were not too substantial, but didn’t reflect the level of smoothness I’d felt I’d paid for . As this was a work tool, and again, a soulless corporation, my willingness to fight for the best was pretty sky high.

Long story short, after having Compiyer technicians sent to my house, where they performed in home repairs the likes of which I’d never heard of, I encountered a similar unacceptable malfunction. 

As soon as I called the senior advisor to report the persistence of this malfunction  , she said “oh no, we’re gonna switch it out” . I received a new unit, of the most updated model, a desktop editing machine that was 4 years more modern, and the ability to pay a nominal fee to make it future proof. 

As a result of this documentation, I am still using the same desktop computer, which is still incredibly powerful and impressive.  The first computer was bought 8 years ago, so that is an continued to prove wise

It’s a beautiful elegant machine, incredibly fats and  powerful , handles all my work tasks , and functions as an impressive in room entertainment system. 

An upgraded logo is a bulletproof tactic leaving the company involved anonymous.

Document your electronic hardware mishaps ! It could save you money and lead to a beautiful resolution.

RECESS my earliest memories, The TV show, MY TV show.

My earliest memories of childhood in Massachusetts were at recess. Recess was war. It was absolutely crazy. I remember a few dynamics. There was walking around and snacking and kinda being low-key. Then there was POGS. POGS are defined below. :

1. a cardboard or plastic disk printed with a design or picture, collected or swapped by children or used in games.

2. a children's game in which players strike a pile of Pogs with an implement, winning any that land face upwards when they fall.

While they are accurately defined, the second leaves out the degenerate gambling nature of the game. For this was the first form of gambling I was introduced to.  You could win an opponent’s POG by winning a game. The opponent of course being a small schoolchild whose parents had bought him so many toys he was gambling away.

Then there was a huge game of either wall-ball or soccer. The soccer game was intense and went throughout the whole playground. Wallball was a game where a tennis ball is thrown repeatedly against the wall. Any “un-crisp” catches or touches result in a race to the wall before the ball can be rethrown at the wall by a fellow opponent. Should the opponent get the ball to the wall first, they would have an opportunity to beg the loser of the race with a tennis ball. 

The other activity remaining was an all-out war. People would just fight. Hard. I remember participating at times, I also remember seeing hocking things like people jumping off of structures and landing knee first onto children’s backs who were laying down. It was crazy. These are honestly some of my first memories of childhood. Shit was a jungle.

Also, I never made the correlation until now, but one of my favorite shows growing up was a show named recess. A show that I strongly believe stands the test of time. I love how they demonstrate all the different social groups and built this world.

A Disney show that was a staple part of my Saturday mornings and which played a huge role in my love of certain dynamics and storytelling techniques. vibes,

It’s an amazing show, I also like that the main crew is a crew of motley individuals. Also, the fact that they get in trouble regularly, is a staple component of a plot structure that makes me like a show, or an episode of a show. I love when people get in trouble on shows. I love scenes where people get pulled over by the police as well

My love of people getting in trouble on shows played a huge role in the structure of the pilot episode of the TV show I’ve been writing for many years. Excited to show you one day. Very soon. 2021.

This factor played a huge role in the structure of the pilot episode of the TV show I’ve been working on forever. Getting in trouble is a big part of it, 

I love dogs

I’m really missing my dog Waldo. I’m also at a loss for what I should write so I’m just gonna talk a little bit about dogs. Most of my childhood we didn’t have any dogs. When my mom get sick with cancer the family got a dog. His name was Tokyo and he was a really defiant and crafty dog. He understood you but didn’t care. Tales about his supreme intelligence are brought up to this day. One day though while I was at college, I received a call informing me that Tokyo had wondered off and never returned.

At one point, we went from zero to three dogs within a month. We were so excited about Tokyo that we decided to get two more, on a whim. Terrible idea. We ended up giving them back because it was really a lot of work. But Tokyo remained, until that day he left.

Now we have this dog named Waldo he’s really peaceful . I think about dogs and how much they mean to humans. Dogs are the animal that will look us in the eyes the longest. I think humans love dogs for this reason, that they are the most tamed animal that will love with us and care. I think they live cats because they’re the most wild animal that will love with us and care.
I think about the relationship we have with dogs and how it’s complex a lot. I’ll get into this one day, or not, today, I am done.

————————————————————-

thanks for reading this blog post, it’s almost a technicality but I’m focused on delivering consistency. Everyday a new post! Thanks a lot really appreciate it .

Left over Tide leftover Pesto , same technique.

This is just a short and sweet little trick. Either I teach you one, two or zero moves.
Have you ever spilt laundry detergent on the bottle or machine? A great trick for minimizing waste and maximizing washing efficiency is to take an item of clothing from the wash, and smear it on the detergent spill, absorbing the suds for later deployment.

A similar trick that takes place in the kitchen, or when dealing with takeout. When you have a wonderful dressing that is stuck to the sample cup or serving bowl, remove some lettuce or items from your salad. Take the lettuce and scrub the sides of the container holding the dressing. This move will allow you to absorb the dressing in the same way that socks absorb tide. yum so appetizing-ly phrased .

anyways, if you didn’t use both of these moves, you can now add one or both to your Arsenal. You’re welcome.

———————————————————-

thanks for reading this uncharacteristically short and sweet blog post.

pb&j without the tools

In college, I knew a pretty incredible lady. She was my girlfriend’s best friend, and I’m so lucky to have met her. She was a very fun person. Way more fun than most, you could say. She was both super atypical but in hidden yet also very surface-level ways. It was simultaneously impossible to detect and impossible to avoid. One day I witnessed her doing something that absolutely disgusted me. Then it changed my life. I walked into the kitchen after a late night of partying and witnessed her making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. What? Peanut butter and jelly, what a delicious combo! No, that’s not it. She made it entirely using her hands. No knife, just palming out peanut butter and jelly onto the bread before sloppily but neatly collapsing the halves together. Oh my god, that’s so gross, I thought. Flash forward some years. I am on a bus ride with some food prepared for a long trip. I haven’t eaten all day, as usual. I am so excited for the decadent and luxurious feast I’ve packed. Whoops, no utensils. No problem. I was too hungry, I poured the dressing on my salad and ate every little bit with my fingers. On public transit. Wow, that must have been a sight. I, of course, sat in the back row, which is the ideal row to eat or do other illicit activities in. I learned so much from that meal. The design of our fingers is absolutely brilliant. The way fingers can grab, stick, poke, adhere to, and manipulate was amazing. The remarkable nature of the fingers and human design. There were little bits in the corner of the salad packaging that would have been challenging or impossible to eat with a fork. The fingers handled these tasks with ease; it was actually incredible to witness and to do. I also later found out that there are even benefits to touching your food in terms of absorption and biological responses to the tactile touch of food. This also applies to touching dirt, which has benefits but can be conceived of as gross by others. Cleaning chemicals are often carcinogenic and have extensive warning signs about the degree to which they’re poisonous. Yet they’re almost universally preferred to dirt, which again, has health benefits (soil). I have a different relationship between “gross” and not gross. While the below picture is gross, it’s also not gross at all.

Peanut Butter and Jelly hands. Is this gross?

COMEDIAN IN SUMMER SCHOOL

If you’ve never taken a public speaking class , I highly recommend doing so. One summer during college, I attended some courses at my local state college.

I was doing so to raise my gpa which was good but wouldn’t be hurt by a an infusion of some grades I got during summer school.

One of the courses , and my favorite , was Public Speaking 101. I really loved this class. On day one The teacher told us that at the end of the semester we would get to make a case in written form about what our grades should be.

He said don’t worry, I want you to learn. He explained he’d not give failing students A’s and asking for such a disproportionately generous grade would result in no consideration. The rest, was to be handled like a persuasive essay.

HE was also a very laid back chill guy. He explained to us Maslow heirachy of needs, and described himself as a self actualized person. I believe him.

He discussed his love of woodwork and the way he’d designed his house. He said he has a girlfriend who he saw once every two weeks.

This drew gasps from the crowd who , myself included, thought that was shockingly infrequent. But I am an all or nothing type character. I’m working on it!

I basically fuse with my romantic partner which is probably unhealthy to a degree.

Anyhow this guy really opened up to us from the begging and it was cool, set the tone for a fun, learning focused environment.

What was cool is how confident he was in his atypical choices. He was kinda alpha male carpenter lumberjack looking, but was unconcerned about seeming hard or soft. There was little performance to him.

This really started off the semester with a bang. Class was so fun and I really thrived in these type of environments. I don’t know what it was but during this class, I absolutely h. I was dating this really great lady who is largely responsible for helping me come into and feel comfortable in my own skin , and my this teachers encouragement and her years of infielder were meeting at powerful point.

I went to some pretty bizarre snd radical type schools. A crunchy granola hippie ish boarding school in the mountains that had an emphasis on community snd the value of doing the chores that maintained our community together and with pride. My college was also pretty radical.

this class was a moment where j was back in a more mainstream style education for the first time.

My ridiculousness and desensitization of what I’d been exposed to, taken in, and absorbed was on display, to myself. And I liked what I saw. My speeches were intriguing and fun. I just had a good time with it . this is the point at which I really realized the value of being oneself.

a lot of the laughs I was getting were related to immaturity. When I made a speech about love and started off talking about sex immediately to differentiate, the mere mention garnered laughs . I had some quality jokes in there!

For the final speech we were to give a persuasive speech. During the instruction he said he didn’t want anybody to debate legalizing marijuana. This was literally on my mind when he said it. I let out some sort of remark along the lines of “what, how come”. I had written my junior thesis in high school about the process by which marijuana became legal in America. I thought I’d be able to deliver an angle he’d never seen.

Let him do it! We wanna hear! He agreed almost instantly , it was very cool.

So the speech had some pressure, but also none at all. I gave it, it wasn’t funny, it was interesting but really a kinda a meh speech. I sold it and pulled it off. People enjoyed it but I had useful feedback about flag raising portions of my speech. They were fair snd good critiques.

I got an A in this class and it was really fun. I knew it would be but it exceeded by expectations. Aside from the class itself. Meeting a teacher who lived his life in this fashion was powerful.

I am also quite sure that students who were terrified off this course got more out of it than they’d ever imagined. The fear was heavy for some people. Here is a Jerry Seinfeld joke that both remarks on this phenomena and in my opinion says something about the potentially inaccurate nature of polls.

these students came away with a solid command for how to address an audience snd their fears. One thing that’s interesting to note is the surface level observation and correlation between confidence and volume. People who were very shy or scared were usually extremely quiet. I’d like to look into this later.

Two unnecessary on paper but highly useful classes I’ve taken in my life are public speaking and improv 101 at upright citizens brigade, I’d recommend them both to people with no intention to give speeches or do improv, because of the powerful tools of connection, conversational skills, and creative brainpower you will develop.

Thanks for reading. I really appreciate it . Quality and crafting are coming your way soon.

FAKE LOTTERY WINNING PRANK AND INSTAGRAM CULTURE

So one of the best things about the internet is also one of worst things . Anything you can think of you can watch and see. This has resulted in people going all out to receive views , acting silly, taking risks, escalating situations needlessly , or playing crazy pranks on loves in the hopes to get views or to entertain.

Of course it feels good to make an interesting cool piece of content , but the lengths people go to these days is really something.

A lottery prank is a prank where you make someone think they’ve won their lottery. You know, make someone feel that their crushing financial burdens are no more and they can pursue their wildest dreams, desires and provide security comfort and opportunity to all of their loved ones. Just kidding. I guess that’s the desired objective.

I don’t think it should go that way. I think that the only successful lottery winning prank is “hey you didn’t win the lottery, just kidding that was yesterday’s numbers , we won we won!! “ of course there are considerable less opportunities to play this prank . But I’m waiting for it, they’ll never see it coming.

Anyways, I had two videos I decided to highlight in this lottery staging genre .

the first is a prank gone wrong video. Here this man exhibits a caricature of what a alpha toxic male stuck in a relationship due to obligations and financial ties would do. I think it’s fake, but I included it anyways. It’s too on the nose 1-2-3, wife, quit job destroy life thoroughly instantly.

The second is definitely real and it’s goddamn excellent I think it’s one of the most successful renditions of this prank I’ve seen.

This did remind me of a trope that went around in the boogie town my parents live in. People said “do you think your marriage would survive a lottery win” which I think is incredibly ridiculous and sad because marriages should become idyllic and have many if not all of the stresses removed with financial invisibility.

Video Block

Double-click here to add a video by URL or embed code. Learn more

an iconic life regret of mine

I am embarrassed and ashamed to write about how stupid this regret of mine was.

There was no reason for things to happen this way and the alternative was so lovely, enriching and otherworldly.

The path I took was instead, pointless, disappointing, and irrevocable.

I cannot take this mistake back. While it may seem minuscule , or frivolous. I actually think it’s incredible important and telling. I try to make a lesson out of it, one that would prevent similar occurrences from happening in the future .

I’ll now explain. When I was younger and living in Brooklyn with my then girlfriend, my parents suggested that we see a mind blowing exhibit at the metropolitan museum of art. They saw it and raved about it with extreme vigor.

The lines for the exhibit spilled outside of The Met with considerable wait times of over an hour to even enter the building

While opting out of waiting hours for a museum exhibit may seem reasonable , . I’d like to direct you towards the fact that my parents , being metropolitan museum members , were able to skip the line entirely, a tremendously valuable resource they greatly extended to us . “You don’t even have to wait, you can skip the line” as she handed me her membership card i delicately placed into my wallet and never used.

there was never a conscious decision to not go to the exhibit. Everytime it was mentioned, I was interested , to some degree, and never mentally said “no I’m not going to go.” The lesson from this event is that, sometimes not saying yes loud enough and with enough urgency , is the same as saying no.

WhAt makes this story even more iconic is that my parents also suggested that my cousin should attend the museum. He was not given the card that would enable him to skip the two hour line. He would also have to pay for his ticket (free entry is another membership perk)

He’d even purchased the same book from the exhibit that my parents had. This was the book that solidified the degree to which I had missed out massively, on something that would never be again. It is also one of it not the most gloriously beautiful books I’ve come across. Flawless. Amazon’s review average is 4.9/5 . This is with a sample size of 1545. A 4.9 is a perfect score because some people just give one star reviews because they can or because their item never arrived

The book is a complete masterpiece. Here it is!

A masterpiece.

This exhibit ended up being the biggest exhibit in the history of the museum. It will never happen again. I missed it. Here are photos of the line .

The line for the most attended exhibit in Metropolitan Museum history .

so! I did not listen to my kind advice. I ignored cultural clout the likes of which was undeniable. I was lazy and unmotivated . When I first saw this book, it was painful ! This was such a good exhibit, unreal in fact. My mom begged me and my art loving girlfriend to go see. We just didn’t! Wow. I hate this story but I’m trying to turn it into an important one.

i’m not at all impressed by the degree to which I take proper advantage of things. I still have not lived my life in a way where I maximize the squeeze.
Missing Alexander Mcqueens’s exhibit Savage Beauty at the Metropooitan was a painful mistake i think of often. A few gems from the exhibit below .

If you haven’t seen this book yet. I envy you! You have such a wonderful experience before you. This is truly something special, that’s not to be missed. Always listen to your mom when she insists she’s right! If you don’t You just may regret it forever!
——————————————————-

thanks for reading! Go familiarize yourself with this book, artist etc. this is not about just fashion .. this will be appealing and inspiring to those who have never considered themselves interested or impressed by fashion. This exhibit is bound to change that.

Different stores different experiences

Where you buy a thing is really important. The store you choose can have a really big impact on the price, experience and your options should anything go wrong.

Pricing can vary pretty substantially from store to store. To be an optimally frugal shopper you have to know what to get and from where. There is generally no such thing as expensive stores and cheap stores, . Trader Joe’s for instances had the best prices for nuts and nut butters. Its really a steal. If you’re getting nuts you’d be hard priced to find a grocery chain with better value. This is particularly true if you’re looking for organic, raw or alternate nut butters. I’ve seen some cases as crazy as a 6 dollar jar of nut butter being 20-34 dollars at other stores. Clearly those other stores are not known for their sales.

Whole Foods which is notoriously expensive. Actually has cheaper bags of organic spring mix than Trader Joe’s. 50 cents cheaper, which is a lot consider Trader Joe’s has $2.50 bags of organic salad which is really hard to beat. Factor in the possible 10 cent discount you get from bringing your own bag, and you now Trader Joe’s looks like extortionists.

The other thing to look out for outside of marked price is policies.

Price matching policies are a well kept secret because big companies can over expensive prices but also accommodate frugal picky customers . Best Buy, Walmart and B&H are all electronics stores that offer price matching. Staples goes even further snd gives you a further ten percent deduction if you can match the price.

So aside from the price return policy is a huge factor. Best Buy has a 15 day return policy on electronics as does staples , whereas target has 90. This is an absolutely substantial difference. Imagine you buy something big and 3 weeks in there is a big problem, well, there would be a big difference in experience depending on store.

Outside of its price matching, I see little value to choosing Best Buy over others,

One privileged angle I would like to go with is who you are supporting. Big corporations usually have their money traceable to policies or political stances of some kind. It is certainly a luxury to be able to do so, but simultaneously we must try to end putting money in oppressive structures. Always shop local, homemade, slow process, minority and support those who are putting out something interesting genuine and with care and love.

Also , if you like a product you see on Amazon, search it on the internet, they have a website. If you can afford the price difference, do it, it’s not being a sucker it’s an investment . That way you’re not supporting Amazon while diminishing the profit of the company making your product.

Hope these tips help you navigate a difficult consumer landscape snd that these factors make a difference.

————————————————————

Thanks for reading this is an article that fits into my series of consumer tips!
comment or share if you you appreciated or feel like it. It would mean the world to me!

LIL WAYNE CONTRADICTIONS

This is a clip from an amazing documentary on Lil Wayne called The Carter. This documentary was exceptionally because the film crew was granted unlimited exclusive access to Lil Wayne for 6 months. By the end of filming, Lil Wayne’s crew had withdrawn their support for the film.

This was due to depictions of Lil Wayne’s drug use and addiction (promenthezine). While it was shocking and sad, this interview was absolutely incredible at showing an incomprehensible lifestyle up close and personal in a way we’d never seen before.

This particular clip is a kinda funny one from the documentary. Lil Wayne is interviewed and gets annoyed and cuts off the interviewer suddenly.

This guy is not a good interviewer. He has some interesting concepts and questions for Lil Wayne. Concepts that actually give Lil Wayne a lot of credit, range and profundity. He wants to explore the influence of jazz on Lil Wayne. Lil Wayne is from New Orleans so maybe having been assumed to have jazz influences set him off. He also credited Lil Wayne with being poetic.

All those things being said , the degree to which he was reading Lil Wayne’s cues in this interview was ridiculous. An interviewer is someone who not only needs to be well researched and have interesting questions prepared. They must also read energy and interact well with the subject. It’s pretty dense the degree to which the interviewer bulldozes through the suns.

Undoubtedly, Lil Wayne is being stubborn, pretty obnoxious and is not in a good mood. He is certainly being mildly combative. But this guy isn’t picking up on one crucial cues , and very untactful with how he is continually approaching a subject.,

That being said. I’d like to point out the bizarre hypocrisy that Lil Wayne is exhibiting when he says

INTERVIEWER:“There is some form of Jazz to your poetry.”

LIL WAYNE: “No I don’t wanna do poetry, I’m not into poetry… This interview is with a rapper.”

Lil Wayne tells reporter the interview is over when he starts asking him questions about poetry !

Well… then explain these lyrics…. on Put Some Keys on It

Haters make me nauseous, the money make me anxious
Listen how my words are poetic like Langston
Dreads down my back like I come straight from Kingston
But I come from Hollygrove, seventeen, danger zone”

The line is featured from 1:49-1:59

Lil Wayne is a poet, and a comedian of sorts. Whether he likes it or not! Anyways, This was a piece of contradiction I wanted to mention. Lil Wayne is highly problematic and he will certain be coming up again in the near future. Regarding his problematic lyrics as well as his poilitical stances. I’m glad though of all those going to jail in 2020 for gun things, Lil Wayne would not be one of them.

—————-———-———-———-———-———-———-———-———-———-———-———-———-———-———-———-———-———-

Thanks for reading a quick contradiction story on Lil Wayne. I so appreciate your readership and support.

In addition, I have other instances of hypocrisy. I will write a similar contradiction blog about Mark Cuban where he 180s from a praiseful to aggressive position on the same topic.

Kobe Bryant, my childhood hero

I can never love another stranger the way I loved Kobe Bryant. It just could never happen again. It was the perfect mix of his moment in history and the age I was at when he came up. 

When Kobe died, my world was rocked. I had not been following him for quite some time. I would even say that I was at a point in my life where I had questioned my entire history and relationship to Kobe. 

However, when I got that text message saying “Dude Kobe died!”. Everything changed.  As I mourned, I reverted to the same adoring being and was once again very much in touch with what he had meant to me as a young child. 

This did carry with it some complications that I’d like to address but first…

 I’d like to show you a comprehensive yet abridged history of my relationship with Kobe Bryant and basketball. I will try to be as pithy as possible. Which given the topic, is not very pithy.  

When I was young I was obsessed with basketball. I played all the time and didn’t do much else for a while. I was very one-dimensional with it. 

My parents are two incredibly academically oriented people. Both PHDs and very scholarly in their pursuits. They are very serious people. 

My mom was quite an academic, having studied comparative literature at high levels,  her love of learning and education was a tremendous force in our household. The deep emphasis upon the importance of education was second to none.

 Which is good, as education and learning are key factors toward garnering success and independence. 

In her world, the arts and the brain were heavily favored. 

Then I come into the picture. Basketball was my first obsession in a life filled with many.  I used to practice basketball 6 hours a day. I was pretty good.

 I still am pretty good. 

But there was always a concern that basketball played a disproportionate role in my life. Soon basketball and schoolwork would be at odds.

I’d get a report card from school. “Sherif is a bright student but did not perform up to his potential”  

This was a sentence guaranteed in any report card I was to ever receive.  It almost seemed plagiarized year to year. What are they filling out a template!?

Naturally, my parents were very upset with my performance and frustrated that I wasn’t meeting my potential and focusing more diligently up on schoolwork. 

Soon basketball became the natural culprit. My interest and obsession with basketball were viewed as a factor that took attention away from school and It certainly did. My earliest basketball memories were of my cousins who were Michael Jordan fans (Chicago Bulls) so I kind of emulated that behavior for a while. 

Cheering on Air Jordan during the mid-’90s was a very natural thing to do. It was bandwagoning for sure, but history was being made and I hadn’t even been alive for the other stuff. When I was young my mom made me write movie reviews for every movie I watched. So I may be one of the only young children to have ever written a movie review on Space Jam. 

(I thought this tangent was appropriate to show the way my mom  operated and the philosophical struggles that occurred) 

So I cheered for Jordan and developed my sense of what the game of basketball was during this era.  

At this point, I was just copying everyone else. When I first saw Kobe though, this was my first true independent fan-hood.

Nobody told me to like Kobe Bryant. Not that many people liked him when I did, I was cutting edge with it.  He had a cool large Afro, arrogance, and confidence in himself that I found amazing. He generated a lot of controversy with his attitude and ambitions. He had the attention of many greats and came into the league, skipping college, and becoming one of the youngest players to ever enter the league. 

(I’m sure my parents were not thrilled that my role model had skipped college to play sports.)

Whatever it was, I saw something in him that resonated with me. There was an audacity to his play and willpower that gave him a very charismatic presence.

This mild enjoyment of Kobe turned more serious when one day I was walking outside during recess and a kid name Brendan Shae’s had some purple shoes. They were Kobe’s Crazy 8’s. 

Later that weekend, without understanding my drive I called up every single shoe store in the area asking if they had them in my size. None did. But my fan-hood was born

Eventually, I did get the Kobe Sneakers. I got the Adidas Kobe 1’s. At the time, they were by far the most expensive sneaker I’d ever bought for $125 dollars. They were allegedly designed after the Audi TT automobile with his wife playing a role in their production. This lead to me announcing to everyone that I wanted to drive an Audi TT. The marketing was deep and Kobe way exposing my materialism and the degree to which the marketing was working on me.  The shoes were really heavy, uncomfortable, and literally slowed me down while playing basketball. They were horrible shoes and it showed. Kobe never wore them during games. They were bricks and were called out by the fellow members of my 5th and 6th-grade basketball team as heavy and dumb shoes. They would make a lot of noise as I ran down the court. This was exacerbated by my horrible running stride, but also I was wearing footwear designed after German machinery. 

Kobe shoes, heavy as bricks, designed after Audi TT, similar weight.

I remember watching Kobe play Christmas Day, and before the game, he said “Adidas gave me a nice Christmas present, and he revealed these yellow sneakers that were NOT the ones I was wearing and had bought to be like my idol. I looked at my dad and he saw both the devastation and the deluded hope of thinking I’d ever owned these new sneakers, mere weeks after my most extravagant footwear purchase ever.

This was certainly a palpable form of consumerism my love of Kobe was galvanized into. 

Anyway, I began to become associated with being the biggest Kobe fan. I played for the 5th and 6th-grade basketball team. 

My parents began to resent basketball a little and tried to loudly pepper in other influences. One time when  my mom was teaching she dropped me off at a Ceramic painting shop as a form of creative childcare.

 This was a store where you’d buy blank ceramics and paint them. My mom wanted to instill some artistic sensibilities and have me deviate away from basketball to a degree. This is what I painted, equipped with obnoxious legalese. 

Kobe Bryant hand painted ceramic plate.

Back of hand-painted ceramic plate. Equipped with legalese describing the very laws I was breaking. Signed as my nickname given to me by Rebecca Fedele Sheroofigus.

One tough memory about Kobe happened at Toys R Us. My father and I were walking through and I told him I wanted to find a Kobe Bryant item to buy. At the height of his exasperation with my all-encompassing focus on Kobe, he said “Fuck Kobe.” Incredibly hurt… I whipped out the name of his mensch of a boss, who treated my father with the utmost reverence and class. He had even been over to our house for a dignified wonderful and iconic meal. His name was Dr. Harper. “Fuck Harper,” I said. My dad got really mad and walked out of Toys R Us without explaining himself. I didn’t get a toy that day, and it was the biggest fight my Dad and I had ever had at that moment.

 (We’d later put it to shame)

I think Kobe is an absolutely remarkable player, he is so graceful and smooth and has such willpower and drive. He is solely focused on his mission. But in my estimation, he was also a selfish and greedy player. He didn’t mature as quickly as needed be to adequately mitigate the complications that come with competing for stardom at an early age.

I mean he did great, legend for sure, but it’s not what it could have been. Let’s be honest with ourselves  Shaquille O’Neal and Kobe Bryant could have and should have been the winners of 10 NBA championships.

This could have been possible. I largely attribute that to Kobe’s larger-than-life ambition. 

He didn’t have the patience and cared more about it being “his team” than him and Shaq being indisputably the greatest dynasty in NBA history. It was theirs to lose. Short-term thinking, inevitable egos, Bickering, and competitive spirits destroyed that Ten-peat.

I’d like to tell you some moments of Kobe I love. Some Iconic to many, and some just little plays. Kobe’s Relentlessness and willpower are some of my favorite attributes and I believe the following stories demonstrate various angles of that.

KOBES HOBBY

Kobe was once asked what a hobby was. He replied instantly “basketball”. The report continued … you can’t say basketball if you had to pick something that wasn’t basketball. Kobe thinks of a minute, 

“I would go home and on the XBOX select the Lakers vs the Pistons .”

I really enjoy this all-encompassing drive towards one goal. I think it’s the next level.

This showed his all-encompassing dedication and focus on his goal.

KOBE INJURIES

Another moment I love is clearly shown in this photo and then later exemplified more heroically in this play 

Kobe shooting with cast.

ACHILLES TENDON 

Kobe Bryant snapped his Achilles tendon which is a notoriously sharp, crack followed by debilitating pain. Kobe still had to shoot two free throws. He swished both of them.

By the time he was interviewed at the end of the game he said. “Chauncey Billups has the record for the fastest time recovering from a snapped Achilles tendon, so that’s the aim”. This was not a verbatim quote, but the idea was that Kobe had gotten competitive on how to recover from this injury.

This is referenced and covered thoroughly in Tim Grover’s book Relentless. Tim Grover coached both Michael Jordan and Kobe Bryant and describes in-depth the tenacity of Kobe Bryant.

Kobe shooting two free throws with a torn Achilles tendon. Lakers were down two and needed both of these shots.

I’d like to be critical of Kobe’s game though in some pretty fundamental ways. For the entire early part of his career, Kobe would pass vigorously for the first 3 quarters of the game. Almost to preemptively subdue the not infrequent complaints that he didn’t pass enough. When the fourth quarter came around, he would shoot a lot. I respect this tremendously as he wants to put the burden, the weight, the risk, and the glory. 

So his predictability and lack of being able to integrate passing and shooting simultaneously in a surprising and spontaneous fashion was a major flaw of his. 

He also definitely caused a lot of administrative strive and became a very loud squeaky wheel who often leaned on complaining instead of helping his teammates level up. 

His competitive fire didn’t allow him to tolerate weakness but this prevented him from stepping into his mentorship to the degree that he could have. This dynamic slowly evolved but it did not end up where it should have been. There are also younger ex-teammates of his out there who feel unkindly towards the way Kobe handled their developmental years in the NBA.

instead of being supportive he would frequently lash out, calling them lazy, or publicly requesting that they be traded. Kobe was ruthless in his desire to win and sometimes he was completely on point with his proclamations. Other times he was young, immature, and needed to develop patience. 

THE RAPE CASE

Ok and here we are. One day I’m staying up really late and I’m on the internet probably trying to instant  message with  potential love interests. And all of a sudden the AOL INSTANT MESSENGER pop-up news window shows me a chilling headline and image. Kobe Bryant Colorado Accused of Rape. I read the headlines in disbelief. 

My first reaction was just pure devastation. I thought about how much news this would occupy and how my love of Kobe would seem even stupider and misguided than it already seemed before. Fuck. I was so hurt.

As the days went on the media attention on this case was extremely high. This was during the offseason and Kobe was in Colorado to have knee surgery. This accusation occurred when he was at the hotel facility. and involved a hotel emoloyee

MY MISOGYNY

Once the media started to report on the story, certain narratives and attitudes began to surface and be pushed. 

I’d like to point out my misogyny in the way I came to Kobe’s defense. I said things like. “Are you telling me that this hotel worker would see this handsome black  NBA 6’6 superstar NBA champion and not want to have sex with him” I assumed her consent based on Kobe’s high status,

This logic would mean that no famous person or person of higher societal stature could ever rape someone.  Also implied with my faulty logic was that no human could only want to make out with someone, but not have sex. By this standard consent was an all or nothing encounter. This clearly demonstrated such a surface-level understanding of anything at all.

 This event contributed to the most misogynistic logic I’d ever use in “defense” of an issue…

And to be clear,  there still remains many complexities about that case to be addressed and considered.

This line of misogynistic defense was fueled and encouraged by the frequent media coverage that scrutinized her previous sex life. Diligently painting a picture of a loose promiscuous woman. 

While I’m not completely a stranger to why I felt this was appropriate logic, it is in fact an unacceptable way to think about things. 

Promiscuity or not doesn’t mean she consented to this specific instance because she’d been sexually active. Nor did the lower status (compared with Kobe’s) of her previous partners play a relevant role in Kobe’s innocence or guilt. 

My logic was steeped in defensive, hurt, misogyny, and potentially victim-blaming.

Kobe Bryant took the basketball court during his drawn-out court battles that would ensue the following year. His playing was remarkable. He seemed to be possessed by some sort of drive to excel. 

Whatever troubles he was facing off the court, translated to pure excellence on the court.

Being a Kobe fan was different now. Memes came out with jerseys sporting “the Rapers” in Lakers font. 
Dave Chappelle’s made a skit called love contract. The punchline “Kobe!” as he shot a condom into the trash can, has become an iconic phrase to shout as you toss papers into a waste bin. People yell “Kobe! “ in this fashion, often with little idea what skit it came from, and the inextricably linked subtext of what that means. The skit is below.

Dave Chappelle’s” Love Contract” skit, as shown from a random user’s footage of their TV set.

Dave Chappelle also made jokes about how Kobe was playing so well on the court during this period of time it looked like he was playing for his freedom. And as ridiculous and facetious a statement this might have been. I will comment on something disturbing. 

His athletic performance and his incredible stretch of excellence during this time period absolutely took the heat of his trial. I’m going to very soon defend Kobe, but this is a very interesting and disturbing component. 

I recall that by the time the criminal trial had reached a conclusion,  Kobe’s official public statement regarding this case had slipped quietly under the country’s radar. America was suffering from its’ Amnesia. 

The statement is below:

 “First, I want to apologize directly to the young woman involved in this incident. I want to apologize to her for my behavior that night and for the consequences, she has suffered in the past year. Although this year has been incredibly difficult for me personally, I can only imagine the pain she has had to endure. I also want to apologize to her parents and family members, and to my family and friends and supporters, and to the citizens of Eagle, Colorado.

I also want to make it clear that I do not question the motives of this young woman. No money has been paid to this woman. She has agreed that this statement will not be used against me in the civil case. Although I truly believe this encounter between us was consensual, I recognize now that she did not and does not view this incident the same way I did. After months of reviewing discovery, listening to her attorney, and even her testimony in person, I now understand how she feels that she did not consent to this encounter.”

I issue this statement today fully aware that while one part of this case ends today, another remains. I understand that the civil case against me will go forward. That part of this case will be decided by and between the parties directly involved in the incident and will no longer be a financial or emotional drain on the citizens of the state of Colorado”

I’ll never forget reading these words and being shaken by them. So on one hand, Kobe was free and out of criminal danger, and on the other, he had admitted in tightrope walking legalese that the encounter was not felt to be consensual.

I’d now like to play devil’s, advocate, in a very big way and start to close out how this chapter in Kobe’s life lead to certain telling dynamics after his death. 

After this case concluded, we heard of no trouble from Kobe and began to see media about his devotion as a wonderful father and his seemingly rehabilitated relationship with his wife. The two separated and remarried. While appearances are certainly only a small part of the story, all signs of Kobe Bryant’s post-NBA career showed development and maturity. 

The night before the accident, Kobe Bryant had congratulated Lebron James on surpassing his scoring title. This was a record that probably meant the world to Kobe Bryant. When Lebron broke his record, Kobe was exuberant, excited, supportive, and had at that moment shed his ego to celebrate the pure excellence of a basketball player SURPASSING his long-standing record. This was a new Kobe. 

He put out an  Instagram post about passing on the torch to Lebron, the great player in the current Lakers era, and the next day he died. 

Kobe Bryant’s death rocked America in many ways. It was a substantial and epic loss to members of the basketball community, fans, and African Americans. Kobe Bryant meant a lot to a whole lot of people. 

I was napping when I received this text message from my cousin. “Dude Kobe Died!?” Groggy and from my nap, I didn’t believe it. But it wasn’t before long that I was watching news stories while video tapping my reaction to this historic tragedy. I ran to my brother’s room and grabbed the number 24 jersey. I’d only worn 8 as my relationship with Kobe had been a bit troubled. 

When he died though, I reverted to pure love for him. This loss shook me.

I went downstairs and was completely aware of the complicated nature this death would hold for my fiercely intersectional feminist mother. 

The degree to which the country was mourning Kobe was disturbing to her given the legal troubles. We discussed this matter thoroughly and I explained to her the tremendous pain I was in and the torn feelings I had.

However, I took a big stand and called her out when she called Kobe a predator. NO! This was not a Harvey Weinstein case, this was an isolated incident, never any rumors of anything else.

For the record, this in NO WAY establishes innocence, but predator seemed like really a lot.  We discussed this with care and   She retracted this statement genuinely, as we discussed the complicated factors.

She quickly acknowledged that she had been insensitive and not taking into account certain nuances.  Including the ones discussed later that Shishi Rose (@shishi.rose), an Instagram powerhouse and incredible activist, quickly came to the defense with.

She also acknowledged that no matter what this was not the time to make such opinions public. This was a private discussion of her personal feelings and struggles (which I’m now publishing). She knew how much this loss meant to me, but at the same time, the situation had the potential to deeply wound.

Nonetheless, any condemnation would be pretty insensitive, callous, and if completely out of the norm, would definitely scream of racism.

In contrast, the fact that Gayle King received death threats for some of the things mentioned during an interview with WNBA superstar Lisa Leslie, is pretty out of control and upsetting. I understand though simultaneously how having a false accusation could stir a lot of anger when mentioned on the day someone dies.

Me Too, oscar.

In the aftermath of me too movement, it was very difficult for some people to see Kobe Bryant win an Oscar the first year that Harvey Weinstein had been exiled from Hollywood.

I love Kobe and his basketball film “Dear Basketball” was an endearing love letter to basketball in the form of a sketch-style animation. But to many, it felt l like a slap in the face.
I fully understand that and felt that myself, while also feeling proud of my childhood icon. It was very complex and troubling.

To some people, the entire country’s mourning could have presented some triggering challenges. To some, this felt like the mourning of a rapist. 

One such person was an artist who plays on the sexuality of fruits named Stephanie Sarley. She posted a stark black and white image saying Kobe Bryant is a rapist. 

While this issue is no small way a major complicating factor to how I feel. I would like to dissect what went on here and examine the full motives and subtext. 

Stephanie Sarley is definitely a feminist (white feminism tho). Her art is too. However, every post she had ever made had basically been colorful fruit being sexualized. The page was full of colors and fruit and that was that. When Kobe died, stark letters in a pronounced fashion on the day of his death. Kobe Bryant is a rapist. 

Now, I am really familiar with how much pain this could cause. The fact that everyone is mourning someone you think is violent and being celebrated in spite of societal violence towards women.

However, I would like to point out the brilliant and incomparable Shishi Rose, who came quickly to the rescue and called out Stephanie’s Sarley racism in the way she addresses this matter. 

I don’t remember exactly what Shishi said (it has since been deleted), but it called in to view the long history of black men being falsely accused of rape in America by white women. We recently heard a confession on the deathbed of the woman who caused a horribly brutal death to Emmett Til through her malicious fabrications and lies.

While there was a public statement. This is entirely plausible. Kobe Bryant could have committed adultery but be falsely accused of rape and Due to the dominating and painful nature this case could cause, he chose to make a statement and then deal with the civil actions. Bringing this chapter to a class and ending all uncertainty.

This is by no means my account or the facts of what happened. But it’s entirely plausible in the history of this country that such an injustice could and would happen to a black man.

If Emmit Till died from an accusation of a false whistle. Why is it so hard to believe that an NBA star would make a case closing false confession to end a barrage of media scrutiny and marital strife? 

I have no answers as to what happened. But despite Stephanie’s legitimate pain, the discrepancy in her behavior towards Kobe as a black man and the rest of the predators of American society (as vocalized on her IG account) screamed of pure racism. 

Shishi is absolutely correct. She also called out Stephanie for her first post of the kind being on the day he and others died. She closed out by saying something like “stick to fingering fruit.” which was perfect.

Stephanie later deleted that unacceptable message. But started posting about how rape victims should not be silenced. 

I fully agree with this!!! Rape victims should never be silenced. But I heard about this from her, in the aftermath of Kobe’s death.

A certain ex-female senator running for president in 2016  had facilitated the silence of her husband’s rape victims more than a decade earlier. As well as contributed to unbelievable violence towards women overseas with her policies just prior to her run.  I did not hear Stephanie Sarley and other white women say word one about that.

Maybe they were vocal about this, but it definitely got lost in a sea of the pants suit and nasty woman love she received.

I guess black basketball players on the day of their death are held to higher standards than white politicians? Sounds about white.

Scroll down Stephanie Sarley’s Instagram and see if you can find any such mentions. 

I do not seek to defend rapists or silence rape victims or anyone wishing to express a grievance or unpopular dissenting viewpoints.

However, the degree to which this media was out of pocket for the account coupled with the insensitivity to the event, spoke volumes. Not about guilt or innocence, because it couldn’t have either way. 

The only other time I’d seen Stephanie Sarley this passionate was when Miley Cyrus completely stole her artwork and was actively being deceptive about it.I remember being so upset when I discovered her work was being used without her payment. 

Despite the one-sided attention and focus received, this wasn’t just an accident involving Kobe.  There were 8 other people who died in that helicopter accident. Making the accident about the worst thing one of them has ever allegedly done… is spiritually flawed. This appeared to be Stephanie Sarley’s first public/ Instagram stance against rape. (PS. obviously, she is against rape but the comfort she demonstrated vocalizing anti-Kobe sentiments on the day of his death was telling)

By all means, rapists should be held accountable and called out. The issue was, Stephanie Sarley didn’t call out rapists on her Instagram account. I’d never seen a post like that ever before. I scrolled down to see if any of the white men who have been implicated in sexual abuses had been chastised on her feed.  None.  Just fruit.

Simultaneously, I had empathy for the feeling. I was crushed devastated, and yet I felt for my mother and her torn feelings about how powerful men can continually perpetuate violence towards women with little consequence. Not just little consequence, often it is accompanied by wealth, fame, glory, accolades, etc. It is tremendously painful and unfair. I cannot imagine. 

That being said what really sad if this was just a lone false accusation and all this man had ever done wrong is a struggle with monogamy which is an entirely human thing. What a deplorable and terrible stain on a legacy for no good reason. Again, history has shown us that this is not impossible or even uncommon. It happens often, in the past and present.

The reverse scenario is important to examine as well. I find this to be an incredibly complicated and painful issue. I don’t even know what to do with all my feelings about it.

When my father came home he was surprisingly crushed about this. My mom who had, demonstrated empathy for my pain, just wanted him to acknowledge the complicated nature of this for her.

I could never finish saying everything about Kobe and may add some miscellaneous things or info. But I will close with this…

My brother is 9 years younger than me, therefore we were always at different stages of life. For the first part of his life, he emulated and copied everything I did. It used to be a bit annoying even.

I remember being disturbed and worried at the degree to which my brother exhibited love for Kobe Bryant. I was fizzling out of the stage where I was obsessed with a grown adult male’s athleticism, and he was just getting into a sports-centric phase. This was also mixed with the dynamics of emulating one’s older sibling. Loving Kobe was one way he showed his connection and love for me. Nonetheless, the degree to which he worshiped Kobe was disturbing and ironically left me concerned, I finally understood how my parents felt.

——————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————-

Thank you so much for reading, it really means the world to me and this was by no means an easy post to write or publish I will leave some memories and aspects of Kobe I like or things want to highlight down here.

SCOLDING LEBRON JAMES

This is a video of Kobe scolding Lebron James for twice passing up the opportunity to shot the game-winning shot. Here Kobe is shining. This is Kobe at his most Kobe in my eyes. Here he is urging a competitor who he is egging on because he wants to maximize their potential. He cannot fathom a world in which he would not want to take that’s hot himself. Taking the glory, the risk, the burden, and the weight of the event on his own shoulders, Kobe could not fathom a world where a superstar would twice pass to his teammates. Lebron James after all was the best player on his team. Kobe gave himself the nickname Black Mamba, which didn’t personally do anything for me. But it represented his love of his killer instinct that would never allow him to pass the ball twice simultaneously when he had the chance to singlehandedly secure the win.

The thing that is amazing, is that Kobe looks, bewildered, upset, and truly disappointed, and puzzled at Lebron’s lack of taking control.

DUNK VS NUGGETS

This is just a fancy beautiful play. Robert Horry on the inbounds pass. I love this one.

This is my favorite Kobe and Shaq moment. This basically is the pinnacle of their success as teammates. It is the most iconic play between them and came at the end of a game where they badly beat the Trailblazers, later to win the championship. 

LAST GAME CRITIQUE

Everyone was raving about how incredible Kobe Bryant’s last game of basketball was. He scored 60 points. Uneblievable. And that is unbelievable but

Here is a very good critique about the last game Kobe Played. This was an insane game where he scored 60 points. He shot the ball so many times. It was truly embarrassing and a bad display of basketball. 

Jason Whitlock weighs in on Kobe Bryant's final game in the NBA with this scathing critique.

Simultaneously to this, it was actually kind of exceptional to see the support, energy, and love Kobe generated in this stadium. He literally had everyone rooting for him to score as many points as possible. Kobe has always wanted to be the main star, the main scorer, and despite the statistical inefficiencies required, he put up a mindbogglingly high 60 points in the last game of his career. 

This even for social reasons, as well as the physicality of it, is quite a feat. 

KOBE’S 81 point game

Kobe’s grandma only saw him play live once in person. On that day he scored 81 points. The second-highest total in NBA history and highest in the modern era.

This too was shenanigans but undoubtedly part of NBA history. Here is every basket in that game in 3 minutes and 4 seconds.

Kobe’s death was such a sad day in my life. I will never forget it. I will also never forget the drive and inspiration he inspired in me. His tenacity and thoroughness and competitive fire are still something I hold very dear to me!

What a little shit! Two childhood stories about finding loopholes and their limitations

I’d like to tell a story about how I was a nightmare-ish child.

I will do so by describing two very annoying scenarios that I put my parents through. I believe both of these stories exhibit an innate understanding of loopholes and stimuli and response and should have served as a great warning for the difficulty.

I attribute these characteristics to my ability to understand contractual legalese and the natural cause and effect of certain processes.

The first story takes place right before I went on my very first day of school. The first day of school is a very big event in a child’s life, but it is also huge in a parent’s life.

This is a very iconic and potentially difficult moment in a parent’s life. This is the first time they’re leaving their child and presenting their child to the world. This creates the opportunity for external feedback which could potentially be the cause for anxiety.

STORY ONE

Back to School clothes, is an entire genre of marketing dedicated to getting parents to send their children to school looking clean, crisp fresh, and refined. This of course is critical to the child’s understanding of certain standards, dignity and is where the child learns to dress and present themselves to society.

So before the first day of school, my mom went through unreasonable and painstaking labor to get me into my school clothing. She retells the story, stating that she’d created an amazing outfit, was getting very excited to take me to school.

Apparently, I did not want to go to school. So once she left me for a few seconds, I ventured into the kitchen, grabbed a huge bag of flour, and dumped it on top of my head. This was done to completely mess up the outfit, and keep me out of school.

Wow. How brutal. That should have been the critical warning signs required right there. Anyway, my mom would not have it and made sure I was showered and dressed and at school the very first day.

This was the beginning of a tumultuous relationship around learning and academics.

Me in an outfit my grandma made. I am quite sure this was not the outfit from the story. But it’s the one I visualize when thinking about it.

STORY TWO

The second story is kind of similar. When I was a baby/ toddler I use to always try to get out of my crib and then have to be put back to sleep. This was when it was time for bedtime or if my parents just put me in my crib for a while.

I didn’t like being put in the crib when I didn’t want to so I learned a terrible trick. I would put my finger in my throat and make myself throw up in my crib. Then my mom would remove me to clean up the bed, and I’d be not in the crib anymore. Mission completed. Wow, my poor parents. Back then and now.

Anyway, I feel that these two situations involve utilizing atypical strategies to achieve the desired result. This showed a very manipulative young nature that disturbs me when I reflect upon it. I do however attribute my natural propensity to understand contracts and loopholes that are written within legalize that can be exploited.

—————————————————————————————————————————————————————————-

Thank you for reading about my nightmarish childhood self. I have a lot more childhood stories that I really like and are less disturbing than this one!